Off to the Races

Looking at the current crop of candidates I am almost tempted to stage a run for the Presidency. Since I don’t believe I will be able to raise the Cash that the others have, the shadow approach might be best. Picture a combination of Jeff Foxworthy and a televangelist. It’d go something like this.

“Mah fellah ‘mericans”, A’hm Phil and Ah need y’all to write me in to be the President. Thass right, Ah said President. Big Chair, Ovuul Office an all that.”

“Fact is folks that Ah don owe nobody nothin. Ah gots no skeletens in th closet. An bein the honest guy that Ah am, Ah’ll tell ya how to vote.”

“IF YOU BELIEEEEVE: That Uncle Sugar is there to make sure you get a check to soothe your ego when you don’t have a job, Then folks, Don’t vote fer me.”

“IF YOU BELIEEEEVE: That international welfare is a god given right and we are obligated by some moral power to provide it to every nation in the world, Then folks, Don’t vote fer me.”

“IF YOU BELIEEEEVE: That banning assault rifles and handguns is ok, Then folks, Don’t vote fer me.”

“IF YOU BELIEEEEVE: That the income tax is fair and progressive, Then folks, Don’t vote fer me.”

“IF YOU BELIEEEEVE: That pages are for turning instead of talking dirty to, and that freezers are for ice cream and not cash, Then folks, Vote fer me.”

“IF YOU BELIEEEEVE: That killing terrorists is a dirty job that has to be done, Then folks, Vote fer me.”

“IF YOU BELIEEEEVE: That we should stick by our friends and leave everyone else the hell alone, Then folks, Vote fer me.”

“IF YOU BELIEEEEVE: That the constitution is somehow alive and open to interpretation (except when it suits ya), Then folks, Don’t vote fer me.”

“IF YOU BELIEEEEVE: That there is a wall of separation in the first amendment, Then folks, Don’t vote fer me.”

“IF YOU BELIEEEEVE: That the job of the press is to do anything but make money, Then folks you are reeeeeeeeally deluded, and yeah, Don’t vote fer me.”

Anyway y’all, I gots lots more of those, and jest as soon as I find that ol videeeo camera ah’ll be on youtube right along witcher favorite demercrats.

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